apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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