things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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