Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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