I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This house was built for laser tag.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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