If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
