he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
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I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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