we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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