Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
