Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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