I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize