Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need a beard to bite.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
