Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
