Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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