forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
