fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
