Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
