There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was CRYING into my vagina
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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