can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
