Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
