just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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