im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
