I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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