i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
