Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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