Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
