he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
