i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
