Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
