Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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