I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
