Swine flu. Run for my life!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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