her vagine was all disorganized.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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