i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
