if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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