I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
