I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
