I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
