you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
