I feel like abortions should bother me more
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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