so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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