I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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