Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
