bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
