No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How does one acquire holy water?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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