He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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