i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
