Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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