Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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