Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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