Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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