My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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