I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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