Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
