What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
