every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
