you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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