I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
