you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
