is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
