Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
