the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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