please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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