There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
