So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
