addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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